Sometimes Healing Lies in Embracing Paradox

Sometimes healing lies in embracing paradox.

A big wave of resolutions happened for me recently when I connected with my much younger self, the little girl who took on everyone else's pains, tried to make everything okay for everyone around her, and did her best to ignore or minimize the impact of her own pain.

I felt this girl in my present day body, and understood that she was trying to do the impossible. She was trying to reclaim the family and the sense of belonging that were stolen from her, by "getting things right", by being "good", by "not making mistakes", by trying to stop the violence of the adults around her with nothing but a vulnerable child body trembling between determined combatants.

None of it worked, of course, but this is the part that I really felt today: in attempting the impossible, in believing I could have an impact for good and in never fully giving up, I called up powers inside myself.

These powers are my true legacy, my true link to the family I was torn from physically, but remained connected to with every cell of my body.

Amidst the misery of trying and failing to earn the love of those who would never love me, I somehow accessed the magic that led me to those I truly love and am truly loved by.

With these truths, and even deeper truths that words can't fully express, resonating in my being, my body is doing its thing.

And it's a very healing thing indeed.