Walking Those Same Halls

A few months ago my lower back was feeling a bit wonky, an achy stiffness that had been around off and on, to varying degrees, for decades.

I don’t know why, but on this particular day I decided to do some symptom sleuthing. I asked my mind to show me an earlier time in my life when this particular lower back wonkiness was showing up in a really loud way, and found myself transported back to my first year of high school. I remembered how intensely lonely, unsupported and invisible I felt.

And then like a lightning bolt it struck me: walking those same school halls and sitting in those same classrooms with me five days a week was the man I would fall in love with thirty years later, the man who would truly see, support and cherish me through all the ups and downs of life.

Making this connection shifted something in my body. The feeling was deep relief, and the realization was that I had never needed to be anything other than who I genuinely am.

I could feel the tension in my lower back releasing and a sensation of softness flowed in where there had been stiffness just minutes before.

My lower back wonks haven’t been back since. But if they return, that’s okay too.

This experience changed how I relate to my body. I feel more curious about what I’m experiencing, and more willing to meet myself with kindness.